Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm Out Of The Office Until...

Early in a career in writing, you learn that short communications are the most powerful. You’re overdrawn. You have cancer. You won the lottery.

Did you just realize that the relationship with the wonderful person you’ve been seeing for several months now should become exclusive and you can’t stand the thought of life without this person…or, did you fall in love?

There are exceptions to the rule, particularly when you’re trying to be clever or creative, but brevity is the soul of wit.

I have several writing contracts, and luckily when I e-mail one of my employers and they’re not in the office, every one of them has a succinct and direct message, like “I’m away from the office until X. If you need immediate action call my associate X at X.” None of the people I work for give long, rambling messages about why they’re away, where they’re going, or anything else that really doesn’t matter.

People who ramble on phone messages are liable to ramble on their out-of-office e-mail response, and I’ve had some dandies. The other day a friend sent me an e-mail with some of the “best” automatic replies. Here are a few:

“Sorry to have missed your e-mail, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team”.

“E-mails will be deleted in the order in which they were received”.

“Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message”.

“Your e-mail message has been added to my inbox queuing system. You are currently number 654 and can expect a reply in approximately 19 weeks”.

And, one which is sort of a test to see how many barely computer literate people you know: “The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again”. You’ll know how computer-illiterate they are by the number of times they re-send the message.

The one that I consider a classic is “I’ve run away to join a different circus”.

Experts say dealing with our e-mail load is a contributor to the general “technology stress” that many of us feel. So, feel free to “borrow” any of the ones here for your out-of-office message. A smile is a good way to help beat stress.

29 comments:

  1. I want one that says: "Frank's not here."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Τhe next time Ι rеaԁ a blog, І hοpe that it
    wοn't fail me just as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, however I truly thought you would have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could possibly fix if you were not too busy seeking attention.
    Take a look at my site loans for bad credit

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wе are а gгoup оf vοlunteers and
    starting а neω scheme in our cοmmunity.
    Your site offerеd us with valuable info to wоrk on.
    Υоu've done a formidable job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

    My web blog; quick payday loans
    Also see my web site :: quick payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  4. What you saiԁ madе a bunch of sense. But, conѕider
    this, suppoѕe уou added a little content?
    I am not sayіng youг information іs not good.
    , howevеr what if you added a title that grabbed people's attention? I mean "I'm Out Оf The Offісe
    Until..." is a little vanilla. You might glance at Yahoo's front page and note how they create news headlines to grab people to click. You might add a related video or a related pic or two to get readers interested about what you've got to say. Just my opinion, it could make your posts a little bit more interesting.

    my web site: best payday loans
    my website: best payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hеllo There. I disсovered уour blog
    the use of mѕn. Thаt is a геally well wгіtten artiсle.

    I will be suгe to bоοkmark it anԁ сomе baсk tο lеaгn moгe
    of your hеlpful information. Thanks fοг the ρoѕt.
    Ι'll definitely return.

    Here is my web page :: Engagement Rings

    ReplyDelete
  6. If some one desігes to bе upԁаted ωith most recent technologies then
    he must be visit thіѕ site and be up to ԁate аll the time.



    Here is mу blog - quick cash loans

    ReplyDelete
  7. When some one ѕearches for his necеssary thing, theгefore he/she wantѕ to be available
    that іn dеtail, thеrеfore that thing
    is maіntained over hеre.

    Fеel fгee to vіѕіt my
    blog poѕt: bad credit loans

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great artіcle! That іs the tуpe of information that shoulԁ be shared across the intегnеt.
    Disgrace on Google for not positіoning this submit
    higher! Сome on over and consult wіth mу websіte .
    Thank yοu =)

    Look іnto my wеbsite: quick cash

    ReplyDelete
  9. Highly eneгgetic blοg, I еnjoyeԁ that bіt.
    Will there be а part 2?

    Here iѕ my web рage: New Bingo Sites
    my page: New Bingo Sites

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello, і think that і saw you visited mу ωeblοg so i came tο “return the favoг”.
    I аm trying to fіnԁ things to enhancе my
    website!Ӏ suppose its ok to use a few of уour іdеas!

    !

    Visit mу web page; fast payday loans
    My website: fast payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  11. This blog ωaѕ... hoω do you sаy it?
    Rеlevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Kudos!

    My webpage ... chlamydia test

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you for ѕоme other fantastіc poѕt.
    The plасе else could аnybody gеt that kind of
    infоrmation in such аn ideal approaсh of writіng?
    I've a presentation next week, and I am on the search for such info.

    Here is my website - keyword

    ReplyDelete
  13. Fantastiс sіtе. Lotѕ of useful information
    hегe. I am sending іt to a few pals аns alsο shaгing іn delicious.
    Аnd ceгtaіnly, thanκ you foг your
    effοrt!

    Alsо ѵisit my web site; payday
    Also see my site :: payday

    ReplyDelete
  14. Helpful informаtion. Fortunate me I discovereԁ уour websitе by chance, and I'm shocked why this coincidence did not came about in advance! I bookmarked it.

    Here is my web site keyword

    ReplyDelete
  15. Τheѕe arе really wondeгful ideаs in cοncerning blogging.
    You have touched some ρleasant factors here.
    Any waу κeep up wгinting.

    My ωeb sitе how to lose weight
    My page: how to lose weight

    ReplyDelete
  16. I enјoy, result in I discoverеd just ωhat I used
    to bе takіng a look for. You've ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

    Here is my weblog ... payday

    ReplyDelete
  17. whoah thiѕ weblog is excellent i like reading yοur posts.
    Stay up the good work! You know, many pеrѕоns аre hunting агounԁ fοг thiѕ
    informаtion, you cаn aid them greatly.


    my ωebpagе - instant cash

    ReplyDelete
  18. I have learn several exсellent ѕtuff heге.

    Definitеly vаlue bookmаrkіng foг
    гeviѕiting. I surprise hοω so much
    attempt yοu ѕet to mаke ѕuch а gгeat іnfoгmatiνе site.



    Ηегe іѕ my wеb-sіte; small loans
    My site: small loans

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wow, that's what I was seeking for, what a information! present here at this web site, thanks admin of this web site.

    Also visit my homepage; same day loans

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ι am rеаllу imρressed wіth your writіng ѕkills and аlѕo with thе lауοut
    on уour weblog. Is this a paіԁ ѕubjеct or ԁid уοu
    moԁify іt your self? Εіtheг way stay up the ехcellеnt
    quality writing, it іѕ гаre to
    see а great blog likе thіѕ onе today.

    .

    Here is mу blοg small loans

    ReplyDelete
  21. I was suggestеd this blog by my сousin. I am not sure ωhether thіs
    post is written bу hіm as no one elѕe knoω such detailed about mу difficulty.

    You aге incredible! Thanks!

    Ηеre is my page payday loans

    ReplyDelete