Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It Will Never Snow Again

The photo above is submitted in evidence to support the assertion of the title of this post. You think the forecast for rain and 40’s the next couple days is a fluke? Hell, no. It became reality the moment the man from the hardware store dropped off this snorting beast, this Toro 38614 Power-Max 726 OE snowthrower.

The Power-Max is because of the huge American-made Briggs and Stratton engine that powers it; the 7 is the series number; the 26 is for the 26-inch clearing width; the “O” stands for overhead valves in the engine; and the “E” is for electric start. Full assembled and delivered price a dollar short of a grand.

And it all means it’s never going to snow anywhere near my suburban enclave again, ever.

For the uninitiated, there are laws about these things. Washing your car in the summer brings rain, or at least a flock of well-fed birds overhead; raking your leaves in the fall before they’ve all fallen brings on a freshening wind; putting some object in a good hiding place means you’ll never see it again; and so on.

So when the rain comes tomorrow, it will eventually wash away all the snow within a four-mile radius of my home, and the presence of the snorting beast in my garage assures that no snow will fall to replace it.

This is an immutable law of nature, and it doesn’t mean Al Gore was right. It’s just the way things work.


  1. Well, of course!

    But you could ship it out to NYC and introduce Bloomberg to the contraption.

  2. You speak the truth here. I have co-owned a snowblower with my neighbor Henry for more than 20 years, and we are now on our third, used. It always snows when it doesn't work, and never snows when it does. Truth.

  3. What became of ol' Tecumseh? Did your jinx take hold?