UW Dean of Students Lori Berquam made one of the most
fundamental mistakes you can, when dealing with young people: trying to dictate
their behavior. If you’re not familiar
with her recent gaffe, Isthmus covers the story very nicely here, including her
FAILED You-Tube video.
Berquam, in the two-minute rant, repeatedly says “Don’t go”
when talking about the Mifflin Street Beer Blast, which is now just a weekend away.
I learned when dealing with my nearly-fully-adult children a
few years back (both are fully functioning independent adults now, and have
been for several years) that, just as when they were younger, TELLING them how
to behave is seldom effective. They’ve
both heard the talk from me several times, about how I’m no longer in a
position to control their lives or their behavior, and I wouldn’t want to, even
if I could. Once a kid gets a driver’s
license and access to a vehicle, it’s game over.
Besides, I firmly believe control is an illusion.
I also believe that most kids and young adults often
deliberately do the opposite of what authority figures tell them to do, a
lesson many parents never seem to comprehend.
What most kids want is to think THEY’RE in control, so my approach with
our kids was to tell them unequivocally where I stand on whatever issue is
under discussion. Then, I try to give
them information to help them make “their own decision” on whatever it is. I’ve learned to aim for communication, not
dictation, even in situations and circumstances when they may make a mistake from which they'll never recover.
Just like the mass e-mails Barry Alvarez and Bret Bielema
have sent ‘round about the obscene chants in the student sections at Badger
football games, the net effect of Berquam’s YouTube rant will likely be exactly
the opposite of what was intended.
Dean Berquam admits, much to her credit, that her rant was
wrong in tone, wrong in message, and just plain wrong. Within a few hours of her release of the
video rant, enterprising UW students “re-mixed” her video mocking her constant
repetition of “Don’t go”.
The Mifflin Street Beer Blast has long outlived its
usefulness, and has become a huge waste of taxpayer money and police
resources. I’ve said many times before
the event should be put to an end. But
Dean Berquam TELLING the students not to go?
Fail.
