Black Jesus Cometh

You can feel the calm beginning to descend on Madison. The weather has vastly improved. Spirits seem lifted. There are more smiles on the street. Ice cream sales are on an uptick. Politicians seem more willing to compromise for the common good. The detours because of street and road repair seem tolerable, almost pleasant.

Merchants and small business owners are buoyed, and are beginning to hire again. Gasoline prices are dropping. Everyone seems to be losing weight and looking more trim and fit. Crime is down. Even the Justices of the state Supreme Court are greeting each other pleasantly.

Black Jesus is coming to Madison.

His name is Russell Wilson. He stands an inch short of six feet tall; weighs a pound more than 200. He passed for three thousand, five-hundred-sixty-three yards last year for NC State with a completion percentage of 58.4 and has a full year of NCAA eligibility left. And, he can hit a curve ball and field a sharply-hit infield chopper flawlessly.

Judging by the accounts in the public prints and the enthusiastic chatter of local sports broadcasters, anything less than a national championship for the Badgers football team this coming season will be a bitter disappointment.

There’s even a rumor going around that he’s asked Barry Alvarez to tear down that ugly phallic sculpture at the entrance to Camp Randall Stadium, and that Barry, who is now acting interim UW-Madison Chancellor, has quietly let a no-bid contract to a local demolition company to do the job.

Black Jesus is coming and hope is restored. Madison is on the verge of a new era of peace, enlightenment, prosperity, and political accord.