Thursday, October 20, 2011

"A Laser-Like Focus on Jobs"

(Author's note: for years, my wife has told me no one understands my sarcasm.  The first two anonymous comments below illustrate her point nicely.  For the uninitiated, this post is meant to be dripping with derision and disdain for our dysfunctional state legislature and political "leadership".)

One thing seems certain:  there will be no job creation in the great state of Wisconsin until we roll back the law that allows those Planned Parenthood people to pass out condoms at schools in Waukesha, a cruel ploy designed to get the impressionable youth of Waukesha to start having sex, creating babies they don’t want and can’t afford to have, thus drumming up more disgusting abortion business for Planned Parenthood.

Such is the apparent content of the current extreme extraordinary emergency exemplary plenipotentiary legislative session on jobs.

Another thing seems certain:  there will be no job creation in the great state of Wisconsin until we roll back this damnable “earn-a-buck” program that the disgusting Madison liberals who used to run the DNR put in place to try and scare people about Chronic Wasting Disease, under the guise of thinning the herd, after a fraudulent and inflated count, conducted by sandal-wearing pot-smoking hippies who are the remnants of the 60’s counter-culture from the east side of Madison, in an effort to unnecessarily hamper the attempts of hard-working-down-on-their-luck ‘sconnies to go into the woods on opening day and blast away at an 8-point buck to bring home food for their family, and to further depress the great Wisconsin butchering and meat-preparation industry.

This new deer czar we have will put a quick end to that foolishness.

One more thing seems certain: there will be no job creation in the great state of Wisconsin until we decide once and for all what kind of fertilizers our farmers and citizens can use to grow bigger, better, and stronger crops and to create lush green lawns, the pleasing appearance of which will entice the captains of industry to locate their profitable businesses here, creating vast numbers of moderately-paying jobs, which will allow us to shut off the unemployment money spigot which has been so heinously abused by the lazy and unmotivated slackers who claim they can’t find work, and will once again allow sales of Milorganite to take place in Dane County, which will create still more jobs in the Milwaukee County Sewerage Utility and in the privately-owned lawn and garden businesses of Dane County.

And that, my friends, is a laser-like focus on jobs.


  1. Tim, were you in the same Oral Roberts logic class with Michelle Bachmann? Did you copy her homework? Your link between condoms and jobs makes absolutely no sense. Or green lawns and jobs for that matter. The HPV vaccination they gave you as a boy obviously had nothing to do with cervical cancer, it just made you retarded.

  2. I am constantly amused that so few people understand my heavy sarcasm.

  3. I wonder if Anonymous is even aware of the specific legislation that has been introduced in the "special" session on jobs. Probably not. There is something highly ironic about an ignorant person attempting to lecture someone else about the flaws in their argument when they don't even understand the nature of that argument. Amusing indeed, but also frustrating.

  4. I'll bet The Onion is knocking your door down for submissions. Now that's sarcasm.